Another Update
Hey everyone and welcome back to me. I appreciate those who have been hanging with me, waiting for me to finish my spring project - that lingered into the summer. Thank you for the patience and for the emails of encouragement.
Anyway, I am sure I won't be doing daily posts here for the remainder of the summer. I really want to continue on into the second series and fine tune the Wolf storyline that is there. I must say that I am very impressed with what I have been able to do with the original series - even if I do say so myself. I need to go back and read everything, including the non-Wolf storylines. I know that it has been a while since I worked on any of that, except for Book 3 it has been about three years since I even read any of it. Of course I recently revised all of Book 1 and it is now how it should have been long ago before all the dissecting, editing, revising and such. The story flows. Despite how weird the premise, I think it is a very compelling story. Even if it never makes it into print, there will be a few copies floating around the world. Elana will receive one. My daughter Amanda is reading it for typos - between her other summer projects.
Amanda is involved in Summer of Fine Arts, which is being held at her school's theater. She has been studying stage craft and as a budding graphic artist she has been making posters and such to promote the shows at her high school. She is the stage manager for the SFA performance of Kiss Me Kate (based in Taming of the Shrew). I am rather proud of her for that accomplishment. Remember that she is only 16 years old.
The other day she floored me with a statement that came somewhat out of the blue. She told me that she and I are a lot alike. Now, as I have said before there is a good bit of me in each of my children. As a parent you hope that your offspring will get the best parts buit unfortunately it is one of those good-with-the-bad things. What irritates parents the most is that we see our own flaws in our children and we are frustrated that we cannot communicate the urgent need for them to correct our foibles that they have inherited whether through genetics, environment or our example.
Amanda is a creative person with a very self-directed mind. In that regard alone she is much like me. I am sure that she corollaries that I miss but be that as it may, I value her opinion in anything artistic. That is why I gave her the revised Book 1 to read.
I want Amanda to read the new and improved From The Inside To The Closer even before I send it out to Ela'na. Ela'na struggled through reading the first official version of the book. It was not her fault. It was a difficult read at best. I have been through all the reasons for how it emerged as it was but I have corrected those issues. I may have done this solely for Ela'na. I don't know. She has always had the faith in me and has inspired me to press onward. She has always been a good friend, one that is unafraid to be brutily honest.
At one time the wolf story that I wrote in the Summer of 2000 was merely 400 pages. I knew that in the process of integrating it into the series I embellished the story a bit - well, you know me I embellished it a lot actually. Well having completed the editing and revision of the Wolf plotline in the six books that make up One Over X, I decided to do two things. I copied everything that was related to the wolf storyline and pasted it into a new document. In 8.5" X 11" it was already 500 pages. Formatting it in 6"X 9" in 12pt, it tops out at 900 pages!
Unfortunately except for the Bible and maybe a couple of classics like Tolstoy's War and Peace and Delany's Dahlgren, 900+ page books aren't popular anywhere anymore. It was not my intention to make one mega-book, though. A few phone calls back I promised Ela'na that I was going to print out everything and send it to her. That way at least she would be able to read my stories whether anything ever became of them. Ela'na is like most people in that she does not like reading a book from a computer screen.
I was working with a way of creating readable chunks of the mega-book. As the text was inserted into the body of the entire series, it generally comprised about 160 to 194 pages to the point that each book had a natural break. I went with where the books were broken naturally and it produced five books that are between less than 200 pages - which according to my publisher is the perfect length for a novel these days.
Yeah the thought occurred to me somewhere along the line that the best way to get Ela'na readable chunks that were also consistent with the pacing of the original text was to follow the general guideline of no more than 200 pages.
I have been toying with the idea for more than a month now but I think I may actually explore it as I think the fantasy elements of One Over X are at this moment the strongest parts of the series. Despite the tie-ins to the main story of the series, the Wolf story does stand up well on its own. The work stands alone because they were originally written that way. So, for the first time I am seriously considering presenting it as a separate work. I would still want to release the series One Over X as it was always intended to be presented, but maybe the fantasy elements are what will drive the entire effort.
I am not committing to anything just yet but telling all of you that have been supportive that I have compiled some of the story in a new way. When I send it to Elana and get her feedback I will let everyone know. WARNING, I will not be doing that until the fall. I still have to go through the second series. I may actually crate one long storyline for the Wolf Story as it continues on from series one to series two in an almost fluid manner.
Peace.
E
Epilogue
Excerpt from One Over X: Episode Six - For Sages and Lesser Fools
Epilogue
Whatever he desired it did not jibe with his intentions. “There are serious issues,” Master E said.
“I really hate that,” Ela’na responded. “It serves no purpose. Everyone has issues.”
“Not everyone is a Wolfcat.”
“As if you don’t have issues.”
“I wasn’t aware that my issues were a point for discussion.”
“You expect my gratitude?”
“Gratitude would be a start, though it is unnecessary. I have done what was needed.”
Ela’na took the Amulet in her hands and gently tugged on it, snapping the chain of woven orcris hide that had suspended it around her neck. “Here, this is what it was all about anyway.”
“I do not want that thing!” Master E thundered.
“How many lives have been lost in pursuit of this stupid stone?” Ela’na asked.
“It is hardly stupid but more lives have been lost than you will ever know or I wish to consider.”
“Take it! I do not want it anymore.”
Master E shook his head. “You gave it away once and what happened? How many lives did it ruin before it made its way back to you?”
“That was an accident.”
“There are no accidents. I would accept that it was a mistake or even a lapse in judgment. You allowed a human to have access?” Master E scowled.
“I have it now.”
“And now, so shall you keep it. Only a Wolfcat can wield it without self-detriment. Only a true Wolfcat seems capable of resisting its influence.”
“Only a Wolfcat seems capable of giving it away.” Ela’na countered.
Master E laughed. “We respect that in you. Not that you have ever needed its power.”
Ela’na assumed a rather provocative pose, focusing the intensity of her seductive glare directly at Master E. “The goddess respectfully requests an honest answer from the Spectral.”
Master E smiled. “I am only one of several Spectrals with some interest in this matter. However, a Spectral is always honest. Perhaps it is that we are less than forthcoming that clouds so many other issues.”
Ela’na fluttered her eyelashes.
“Each day I thank the nature by which I was created that I am impervious to the impact of the look that you possess.”
“Are you impervious?”
Master E smiled, having been caught in a gross exaggeration of the truth. “I can resist. I am perhaps not impervious. After all I am pretty-much still alive.”
Ela’na smiled. “Then you do find me desirable.”
Master E laughed out loud. “The Wolfcat Goddess has an ego that needs constant sustenance.”
“Whatever ego I have receives so little sustenance from you.”
“I wasn’t aware that I was a worthy suitor for your attentions, goddess.”
“Why is it that whenever you call me ‘goddess’ it sounds like an curse?”
“Far from it. I admire you. I respect you. I always have.”
“You do not desire me in a physical way?”
“It is different for Spectrals. You know that.”
“It has been done.”
Master E flashed a slight smile. “Yes, it is possible.”
“What is wrong then?’
“It is the effort, goddess. Then there are the ramifications. You see the universe through a keyhole. For a Spectral there is no such restriction. Not only is there no keyhole but there is no door, no threshold nor any wall into which the opening was cut. I would need to ignore far too many things to focus the attention that you would desire of me, Ela’na. Further the pleasure of the effort would be largely yours. Granted I could enjoy the instant. Such as it might be it would not be compelling for a Spectral to ever enjoin.”
“I am not worth the effort then?”
Master E lowered his head and shook it. “Damn you for twisting the truth to suit your own ambitions.”
“Ambitions?”
“Take care Wolfcat. Be forewarned that a Spectral is hardly a being to trifle with.”
“Then why subject yourself to the confinement of the human male bodies that you have become.”
“Become?” Master E asked. “Which humans have you decided that was I?”
Ela’na stared into his eyes, seeing a man that her human part had loved so deeply that his rejection of her had robbed her of her breath but never her desire to endure. She had fought back wielding her love’s energy like the blade of a broadsword. “I think that Brent was one.”
Master E laughed aloud long and hard. “Oh there is no fooling the goddess!”
“You were Brent then?”
“I was being facetious. Brent is a human. He has never been anything more than what he is although even as a human he is sensitive to many things that for his own good perhaps should have been concealed.”
“There were others.”
“Ela’na, I have never been anyone else. I simply do not do that sort of thing. That is not to say that other Spectrals refrain from that sort of thing.”
“Andros?’
“Andros hates humans. I doubt that he would ever think of becoming one. I could be wrong but, he is pretty straight up about it. He likes Andy for some reason.”
“Well who then?”
“You do not need to know, goddess. Your suspicion that certain humans in your life were Spectrals in disguise is largely wrong.”
“Largely.”
“Yes there was one, okay.”
“Who is the Other?”
A smile tickled at Master E’s lips. “He is your friend.”
“That is not what I meant. You know all of the Spectrals. I would think that they are all my friends and friends amongst themselves.”
“Then you would assume wrong. Ehl does even speak to his son Be’hel. Gawl doesn’t associate with anyone. For his part he can’t as he is trapped in the bowels Anter’x. No other wants to be whatever he or she is. Everyone seems to like Moe although he has seriously challenged the balance at times. Andros is moody and although his opinion is generally considered and even sought because his thoughts are clear and untainted by emotion, he is not well liked. Elom, well she is universally liked.”
“Surely Master E is well liked as well.”
He smiled. “I try.”
“Who is the Other, then?”
Master E drew a deep breath. He had given her tacit permission to ask questions that he would answer as accurately as he could without harming the foundations of the universe. “Wolfcat, the universe is constructed much like an onion. I believe that once upon a time Andy told you or one of your manifestations this.”
“Yes. He also said that the inner most point and the outer most extent were one in the same so that it was folded back onto itself.”
“Considering the limitations of the human mind, that is amazingly accurate.”
“What does that have to do with the Other?”
“The Other is not a Spectral.”
“Not a Spectral? Is he the Creator then?”
Master E shrugged. “He has the abilities and nature of a Spectral, at least every time that I have been with him. Even so I have always felt that he did not belong in our company, a perception that other Spectrals share.”
“You know him and yet do not know who he is?” Ela’na asked.
Master E nodded.
“That doesn’t strike you as strange?” Ela’na asked.
“Look we have traveled in time, been many places and done many things. I have always enjoyed your company, Wolfcat. You are without a doubt the most exciting and novel creature that I have ever known. Your power and insight amazes me. Your beauty stimulates me in ways that I do not care to elaborate. So it is very hard for anything to seem strange to me. Yes, the Other is a case that strikes me as being strange.”
Ela’na turned away and immediately there was a lovely garden that stretched out before her. It was her garden. “We are lovers here, you and I.”
“Come again?” Master E asked for clarification.
“You have not arrived at the point yet. Because of your nature, not being concerned so much with the plight of mortals and near mortals, you have not seen it. This is a home that you built for me. It is a wonderful place. It is a world that you rule as a colony.”
“I would have it no other way. If I am to submit to the hell of temporal existence I would surely be a ruler.”
“I have memories of making love to you, here,” Ela’na admitted. “In this garden.”
“Oh,” Master E demurred. “Was it good for you?”
Ela’na laughed. “You don’t see that in all your ability, that we might be together in this place and make love?”
“What you are showing me exists in the Never aspect. It is as likely as anything else that could occur but hasn’t. It has never been able to come to pass in reality.”
“Still it is possible.”
Master E shrugged. “Of course it is possible as is anything else.”
“Then how do I get to Never?”
“Andy also seeks the way even though I think it a fruitless endeavor. Understand that never is not real by temporal definition. It is a place of unfulfilled potentials that were cast into nothingness with a single decision that led away from the hope as a substitute for salvation.”
Ela’na lowered her head.
“Ela’na, I have always told you how I feel. I have been very candid about such things. I have also expressed the conditions and limitations of my being.”
“You have done all these things,” she admitted.
“I confess now before you and all eternity that I am in love with you. It is just that I may not be able to satisfy what you expect or even deserve. I am not as you are in nature. You might expect more of me because of what I am. I can tell you that a Spectral is not endowed with anything extra in the loving respect as it would be superfluous to the simple elegance of what a Spectral is.”
She kissed him on the forehead. “Send me to never, then.”
“There are things left undone.” Master E protested.
“Find another to do them.”
“There is no return from never.”
“Andy found the way in and also he will find the way out.”
“Andy may be a special case.”
“I am not?”
Master E laughed aloud. “If it is possible then surely you will find the way as well. You are that remarkable.”
“It is my destiny. If I cannot have peace here then I can at least have it there.”
“You are sure?”
Ela’na looked into his eyes. “You are interesting Master E. I mean that in the best possible way. I do not pretend to understand you. I suspect that some of what you are is yet a mystery even to you. You are not a female. Therefore there are some things that you will never know about me or how I feel. I have enjoyed what time we have spent together. I am weary of the struggle, now. I want to be at peace for the rest of my life.”
Master E nodded as he reached out and drew her toward him for an intense and emotional embrace. “You need to know only that I will always love you, Ela’na,” he said as he kissed her on the forehead. “Never forget that ‘I love you’ as it is the key that fits every lock.”
She insisted beyond the affection of that instant and pressed her soft, moist lips to his. He was stunned at first but he did not resist. When she pulled away she said, “Remember: that is what you missed.”
Master E turned away and he conjured the forces that he could and dispatched Ela’na for the moment. Inevitable and irreversible, he turned away from where she had been only a moment before. He wiped a tear from his eye and sighed. “Sometimes it really sucks to be immortal.”
Then he turned back to the world that had been before. It was as a wisp of fog set between the leaves falling from a tree, and those leaves became blank pages as they began to fill a notebook. He was only certain that he existed except for those that were immortal including the other
Spectrals and the rare goddesses that nature had produced.
What more could anyone expect of the quandary? Only what was magical had ever been real.
E
Dancer
An excerpt from One Over X: Episode Six - For Sages and Lesser Fools
Dancer
He liked to explore the contents of the realm that he was entering. Was she there or only imagined? Did it even matter? There was music that gradually surrounded her and eventually became her. Her amazing eyes sparkled in the dimness of the room and stoked the desire within him into the raging passion that he fought to suppress. He ached to embrace her. She did not know him, not yet. The cruel irony of his ability crushed his spirit. She would never even know his real name.
She could not resist the beat and no virtual eye could peel away from the pleasure of watching her as she swayed to the music. Into the fantasy of her self-conceived destiny she escaped, as she whirled to the melody. She sought a personal paradise that only she could envision. It was a wonderful departure from the immediate burdens and concerns of the desperate destitution that the circumstances of her life had forced her to endure.
She could forget her childhood, the abusive relatives, and the force-fed dogma of hypocrisy. She let the music intervene to assuage some of that suffering. She didn’t want the melody to ever end. She did not want to return to the bleakness of her impoverished subservience. She did not want the suffering and self-doubt that attended her being. She did not want to loath those that had hurt her out of their ignorance or pursuit of impure designs. She sensed the forgiveness in the music. The freedom of the dance saved her for the moment and spared her from torment for a while. This music consumed her as a flame of purified passion expressed in the rhythmic flow of her body. She was the only viable essence and primary focus in the universe as at that moment only she existed and only he watched her. She did not have to submit to what the world had forced upon her. She was beyond it.
Lana was not her real name. There were good reasons for the secrecy, she believed. Yet he knew too much about her already. That bothered her except that he had always been supportive of her, as a friend.
She was always where she needed to be. The resistance depended upon her. The movement would endure the loss of any member but it would certainly be disrupted without her. She was the connection to the one insider. She was the link to Andy.
There was no one on the Lower Side that did not recognize her even if they did not know her name. Those that knew her suspected nothing of her importance to their future. She survived by working the marks in the clubs. Day or night did not matter. There were always clients and always offers from horny bastards. At the end she would return to her favorite club and unwind. Mostly she lurked in the shadows whenever she danced. It was not performance so much as the joyful expression of the music although if anyone saw her dance it was to his or her immense voyeuristic pleasure.
She would dance long after the last customer had departed the bar and continued until the bartender told her that it was time to go. Most times she could dance until the very last minute, as even the bartender was reluctant to ask her to stop. Had the world been a different place she might well have made a living doing what she enjoyed doing so much.
Lately, or the last few nights at least it was Brent that was the one lingering customer that refused to leave the virtual world that she had conjured. Of course he knew that she had noticed him. She had even spoken to him on many occasions, never revealing the history that she knew beyond the present. Brent had become a regular and usually came into the bar shortly before she arrived. Yet he never said little if anything to her or even flirted with furtive glances. Even if she could see more than his presence, that would have been a mystery to her.
It was all that she could do to refrain from demonstrating any feelings, expressing affection or desires couched in a dialogue. She did not know he was there. If he did not take care and have patience, he might never get another chance to see her. The prospect of that: losing him again frightened her even as much as he might fear losing her.
He could not intrude, not yet. He had to protect someone else. The chance to see Lana again was irresistible, even though it was dangerous. If she confronted him, he did not know what he would say. There was the omnipresent fear of the truth frightening her away. He dared not to even speak of a past that he fully savored though she had not yet experienced it. It would frighten her way, making her think that he was just as weird as everyone else that populated her bizarre life.
It was time for him to depart. The bar would be closing shortly and he did not want to overstay his welcome. He’d nursed a couple of beers that failed to extinguish the inferno that was burning within him. Only another day remained. The threshold of chance would seal this aspect, relegating it to yet another failed scenario. If Andy did not arrive by tomorrow night, then he would have to move on to another aspect and another version of Lana. The purpose still prevailed even if the versions of the players changed. He would miss his cybernetic honey.
From the inspiration of Lana, Brent conjured all sorts of remembrances. There were so many others that he had almost lost track except that within a moments focus that he could see a face and still recall a name. Why did he remember them all? In each case the relationship had not worked out. Some had ended in friendship though it was hardly the lasting sort of relationship that he desired. Others had just ended. Only Lana seemed real to him but he loved the fantasy of her as he really had never bothered to know the person beneath her façade. In his mind she was nothing like anyone that he had ever known. She might as well have been conjured of his latent yearnings for someone that had once cared about him or she could be someone intended to replace the partner in his one and only feeble attempt at marriage.
He leaned back in his desk chair, withdrawing from his monitoring of the virtual universe. It was a reality that until a moment ago had only existed inside his head. He pressed the Ctrl and the A keys at the same time, selecting everything in the document that had taken him all night to produce. He fought the impulse as his index finger hovered over the DEL key. At least this time he had bothered to read it. In his opinion it was long, meandering, complicated and frustrating. At times he had felt that he had no control over it. How was that possible? He had written it.
It simply flowed through him and into text to be stored in an archive. In some ways it mirrored the consternation that was his daily displeasure to tolerate. He hated everything that he had done in his life except for the three lives that he had brought into the world.
His overriding concern was whether his responsibility extended to more than just their lives. If he had made a viable universe, then it would endure beyond even his meddling. If the universe already existed before his focus turned upon it, then his task was merely to chronicle the events of that universe.
Whether anyone cared it had evolved beyond his control. There were too many others that were now involved in the franchise of the weird, warped cyber-world.
He rubbed his tired eyes, and then yawned as he stretched. He was tired enough to sleep though he dared not risk it - not yet, anyway. There was far too much left to resolve.
Lana would be in the club soon. It was the last night of uncertainty. If Andy arrived then events would progress along a known course. He could deal with that. If Andy did not arrive, then he might not see Lana again for a very long time.
E
