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Take a Bath, Towel Off, and Have a Drink; Your Socks Have Holes In Them.

I used to get a lot of emails with jokes. Maybe the novelity of that has worn off to the extent that I now get only a few over the course of a month. I know the novelty of the jokes has diminished over time. When I was new to the Internet the jokes seemed fresh. I guess they have been circulating for a while, long enough that when I receive them now I have already memorized most of them. I prefer original stuff. Fresh bread is much better than stale bread.

If you are reading this Blog and know any jokes, humorous stories or whatever you think is funny look up my email under my profile and forward the stuff my way. There are always days when I c ould use a laugh.

My publisher sends me jokes every now and again. He usually changes the old jokes that have been around for a while, puts a fresh coat of paint on them, twists them or something that refreshes the humor. He takes stale bread and turns it into lightly seasoned crutons to make my same old daily salad more tasty.

Some of what he sends me if original, though. He can be a very funny man at times. He usually sends me golf jokes, like I could ever possibly appreciate them. He golfs; I putt putt. I think we have similar senses of humor, though except that I can be a little more off-the-wall. He might debate that point.

Did you ever notice that there are a few people that you know that makes being around them a good time. They are your best friends perhaps. Not only do they make you laugh but you return the favor. Everything either of you say is hysterically funny to the other. You feed off one another's openings, never missing the opportunity to go for the laugh. There are a few people with the gift that are lucky enough to know more than just a few people that make them laugh. Then there are the professional humorists, comics or stand-up acts. They can find humor in the strangest places, even in a lonely motel.

Example: I had a conversation with a friend that is a semi-professional comedian. Semi-professional in this instance means that he can't make a living at it but he does get paid sometimes to perform. He seems to be able to push the 'funny guy; button within him in the blink of an eye.

I was sitting in the lobby of a motel pretending to read a local paper with the requisite passing interest for someone whose only purpose for being in town was a business meeting. While waiting for my friend to finish his complimentary continental breakfast, I noticed that he kept looking my way and laughing. That made me uncomfortably self conscious. Had I put on my shirt wrong-side out or something? Was I wearing my briefs on the outside of my trousers? Did I have the dreaded open fly in public going on?

When he finally joined me he asked, "Did you learn anything relevant about the community?"

"What do you mean?"

"The local paper that you have leafed throug three times."

"Oh, you noticed that."

"I notice a lot of things."

"I do too."

"Have you ever noticed how many friggin' different towels and wash clothes they give you in the bathroom of these places?"

"Now that you mention it, yes. I am neve certain what they are for. One is a wash cloth for your face. I got that one. Another one looks like a floor mat."

"Yeah yeah, you got the easy two. There are four different sizes of towels. I'm thinking I am not properly trained int eh fine art of washign the stank off of my bod."

I chuckled.

"I mean like maybe it is like the table etiquette with all the different forks."

"Exactly. Maybe one of the towels if for when you take a long, skin wrinkling soak in a tub full of hot water bath."

"Yeah, yeah, but then which one of the towels is for the gotta run I'm late for my meeting quickie shower towel?"

"The smallest one of course. You didn't have time to blow dry your hair so you didn't shampoo."

"Yeah, yeah you are onto something. But what about the other ones."

"That is the petite chick towel."

"The what?"

"Ya how, guys after a shower can walk around for hours before they put on boxers or briefs. We let it drip dry."

"You do that?"

"Like you don't," I said.

He looked down his nose at me.

"Well anyway, a big woman needs the monster towel to wrap up around her while she does her makeup thing. A petite chick can wrap up in the smaller towel and look all the more sexy because of it. Either way both of them need the towel for the hair, wrapping it up and stacking it high like The Great Karnak the Magnificent's headdress."

"Uh huh," he responded still looking down his nose at me.

"Hey, you have never been married."

"Yeah, well...maybe so, then."

Me:

I say odd things that at times are funny but maybe not so funny outside of the context. I am not consistently funny. I am prone to doing and saying odd things just to break the tension or tedium. I want people around me to have some fun. The world is bad enough without taking everything so seriously.

I think this tendancy has been misconstrued many times over the years. It probably has gotten me into trouble more often than it had lightened a heavy situation.

An example: I had a former boss named Randy. He was a big red headed southerner with a Cajun accent from his years of livign and working in Baton Rouge. One day he came into work and was all pissed off about something and his bad day infected everyone else that he came into contact with as he pretty much pissed them off as well. I went into his office and plopped down in a chair and stared at him as he had his nose burried in some report. Finally he felt the heat of my glare and looked up at me, "What?"

"Do you have holes in your socks?"

"What?"

"I asked you if you have holes in your socks?'

"No, of course not."

I got up from the chair. "Hmmm, that is odd," I continued talking as I heading for the door.

"What is odd about not having holes in my socks?" Randy called out after me.

I peered around the door frame and poked my head back into the office. "How'd you get them on?"

I went back to work.

Randy paged me a few minutes later to call his office phone and I complied. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Your socks."

"That's all?"

"Yeah I couldn't imagine talking about anything more serious than your socks. Something completely pissed you off and it has already infected the whole building."

"Maybe you think I should just go back home and come back when I feel better," Tandy suggested with a hint of sarcasm.

"Go do something spontaneous and stupidly out of character."

"You have suggestions, of course?"

"Go have a drink."

"What? I don't drink. It's ten in the morning anyway."

"Does it have to be a certain time to have a drink?"

"It is customar to not drink before noon."

"Wow, I'd be dying of thirst by then."

"You drink in the morning? Like you have a drink this morning before you came in to work.

"Of course I did."

"You know you could be terminated for that."

"What I drank some orange juioce with breakfast and I had a cup of coffee when I got here."

"Oh, well that."

"You've never had a glass of water, milk or orange juice?"

"Well, yeah I drink. I just don't drink as in alcohol."

"Fine. Drink whatever you want. Just get out of the building and have a drink."

"Thank you. I think I will."

E

posted by Unknown @ 11:04 PM