One Over X News

Social Insecurity

Before you say, "Oh no, some more tired political commentary!" I promise this is not about the issues concerning Social Security that are presently before Congress. This is a much more personal treatment. This is about bureaucracy at its finest, dealing with an agency of the United States Government and its volumes of regulations and miles of red tape.

It all began on Monday when my sixteen-year-old daughter called me to let me know that she had misplaced her wallet. Hey it happens. Go back and look everywhere that you have been and hope for an honest person. Well she called me back in tears. No one had found her wallet and she had lost $43, her State ID and her Social Security Card.

It didn't think it was a huge deal. Yeah the lost money was not cool. But this is not a very honest world that we live in anymore and someone had obviously taken advantage of Amanda's carelessness. Maybe $43 is a small price to pay for a valuable lesson in always keeping track of your valuables. As concerned as Amanda was about the money, she was even more concerned about her identification. The state ID required a Social Security card in order to get a replacement. She had lost both.

I knew from experience, having had prospective employees showing up for the first day of work without a Social Security card to fulfill the requirements of the federally mandated I-9 form that a temporary card (consisting of a sheet of paper printed out and signed and notarized by the Social Security Administration) would suffice until a real card could be produced. I was certain that getting her state ID card reissued would be no big deal as long as we obtained the proof of Social Security number first.

Jina, Amanda's mother stopped by the Social Security Administration office to pick up the form requesting the issue or reissue of a Social Security Card. She filled out some of the form and left it on the kitchen counter for me to finish. I filled in the details and Jina picked it up this morning. Armed with the form and Amanda's birth certificate she figured, to be in and out of the Social Security Administration office in a flash, temporary card in hand with real card to follow in the mail sometime later.

A valid, original State issued birth certificate, notarized and everything was deemed 'invalid' as it had 'expired'. Now how can a birth certificate expire when my daughtr has not? Anyway, according to an Agency of the United States Government a birth certificate can only be used for a limited period of time for applying for a Social Security card. It is not sufficient proof of identification. Jina called my cell phone.

"What do you mean her birth certificate expired?"

"They need to see something more recent as identification. Do you have her last report card?"

"Her what?"

"They said they have no idea whether she is even alive without more recent proof like a school report card."

"Are you serious?"

"That is what they are saying."

"A report card?"

"Yes."

Funny. I have never thought of a report card as a valid form or identification. I am sure it would not pass for identification anywhere else. But apparently, in order to get a reissue of a Social Security card for a number that had never been reported on a death certificate, a number that had been in use for tax purposes as a dependent for 16 years, and a number that had been assigned to a State-issued ID, the Social Security Administration required the presentation of Amanda's last school report card as bonifide proof positive that she is still alive.

Someone in a high enough government position has determined to at his his or her satisfaction that report cards are not subject to fraud or forgery. I was beside myself. I mean what the f**k? Some bureaucrat actually sat down and thought this up. It has to have been something to do with the post 9-11 security concerns. I am all in favor of shoring up security but c'mon a report card as valid identification to trump a birth certificate.

I mean if you were playing cards and you had three report cards and I had three birth certificates... I'd be betting my ass off thinking wrongly that I had the face cards.

I was about to say that this was the most ridiculous example of bureaucracy that I had ever experienced but when dealing with government agencies never employ superfluous superlatives. Whatever you say will come back to haunt you.

I immediately thought of a few of prime examples of even more silly examples of red tape and seemingly contradictory regulations. Eliminating the seven that pertained directly to my military service, I found one that was possibly more absurd. It sort of pertained to my military service as when I enlisted I had to fill out several forms in anticipation of security clearances. Later on because of the job that I was being trained for I had to fill out even more forms. My friends, relatives, teachers, people that knew me and barely knew me at all were interviewed by the FBI. The process took many months to complete at I would guess was an expense of at least $100,000. All this was based on the United States Air Force accepting my hospital birth certificate from May 7, 1956 as proof of my citizenship, that and my driver's license and maybe even my Social Security card.

When I was in training in California I applied for a US Passport. Traveling abroad on military orders between bases did not require a passport but I figured that I might travel on leave and that would require the passport. So I applied. My application was rejected, having provided insufficient evidence of citizenship. For a US passport I needed a notarized copy of my birth record from the State of Ohio. I had to play along. I wanted the passport. Even so it was another example of bureaucratic inconsistency at its finest.

Based on the evidence of citizenship that I had provided to the US military and the FBI I had received a Top Secret SCI (Specialized Compartmentalized Information) clearance. I was permitted to know secrets that I could not tell to anyone else, and even some of those things I cannot discuss even now. I knew things that only a few members of the government at the time were aware of. Even so, I could not get a passport based on the same credentials that had granted me clearance for the US government's most guarded secrets.

In the interest of bureaucratic proliferation, I propose that the government form a new agency called the Bureau of Inconsistency. Its mission will be to ensure that there is absolutely no chance, spontaneous, accidental or otherwise of one government agency's requirements jibing with another’s. This is in keeping with the spirit of maximizing agency employment to deal with complaints and interagency bickering as well as the overall aura of incompetence in the government, which lately has acquired an almost patriotic quality and status.

In America our bureaucracy tends around Agencies and Departments. In other lands like Great Britain the bureaucracy is tied to Ministries. I am reminded of a skit on Monty Python's Flying Circus that the BBC has ported to our PBS on occasion. It was titled The Ministry of Silly Walks. If you have never seen it 'Google' it - there is a free download of it in a small clip forms. It is not only a comic classic but also a very great satirical commentary on bureaucratic institutions in general. Especially pay attention to the administrator’s comments as to the allocation of government resources.

Based on recent experiences, despite England's centuries old lead on perfecting bureaucracies, we Yanks are beginning to close the distance. Give us another fifty or so years. We will come up with some regulations that will make even the most jaded Brits wonder if we have lost our minds.

E

posted by Unknown @ 10:45 PM