One Over X News

The Persistence of a Mass Delusion

Reality is all about illusion. You can pick and choose what you want to believe and what you do not. Unfortunately it is hard to disbelieve something that is a collectively held delusion. Some examples that come to mind are natural disasters, sweeping tragedies, deaths of people that we have collectively determined are important and the outcomes of key elections.

There is a commonly held delusion amongst Republicans that ‘W’ won the elections of 2000 and 2004. The fact is that he prevailed against his opponents. I am not certain that in either case there was a victory. He did receive more votes than John Kerry, his opponent in 2004. So at least that was progress, I suppose.

There is the Democratic corollary that is largely based on the confusion attendant to the past two elections that states emphatically that ‘W’ did not win or that he somehow rigged the whole thing. Well if that were the case, I suppose Dailey never won an election in Chicago and the title of Mayor should be stripped away, posthumously. Also there were some questions about dead people voting in Chicago during the Presidential Election of 1960 – but that is ancient history.

Let's forget about it and just move on.

In political circles it does not matter how someone wins only that the majority is convinced of the result and generally accepts it. The election process is broken and has been for a long enough time that I think it is just accepted as a state of being. We all know it is broken. In my honest and humble opinion the process does not serve the people as it should, even if it ever did. That neither side wants to fix it, I mean really fix it, shows that both sides have taken advantage of the flaws in the system from time to time.

To me the debate over election reform is laughable. The spending on campaigns is out of control and beyond the government’s ability or more relevently, desire to control. Having politicians decide how to reform campaign financing is a clear example of giving the inmates the keys to the asylum.

For what it is worth here is my version of how the most recent Presidential Election was decided. It is offered as satire, so do not take offense. As I have said many times I am neutral in all things political. Neutral in my case means that I suspect the intentions of all politicians equally and will kindly ask every one of them to please remove their hands from my wallet, keep them in plain sight while I gracefully back away.

Headline: Election 2004 Really Came Down to a Coin Flip

Washington DC (13 April 2005) WPI: Earlier today a rare tape surfaced and was immediately passed on to the most credible of all information sources in America, Soap Opera Digest. Having nothing in particular to do with the digest’s theme, the tape was immediately passed on to the consortium of grocery store tabloids for fear that the ‘legitimate’ news organs of the nation would not know what to do with the truth.

A transcript of that tape follows (comments added by a participant)

‘W’: Hey Johnny. What say you and I decide this election like gentlemen?

John: Dueling is illegal.

‘W’: No, no. That would be unfair anyway.

John: I suppose it would because of my actual military service.

‘W’: Let's not go there, Johnny. No, what I had in mind is very fair.

John: Fair, well I’m good with that, I think. What do you have in mind?

‘W’: Here is what I propose. A good old fashioned coin flip.

John: A coin flip? You mean decide the Presidency of the United States and possibly the fate of the entire world on the chance result of a coin flip?

‘W’: Exactly. What could be better. One toss. 50/50. Completely neutral party tosses the coin. Winner is the President.

John: Is that legal?

‘W’: Sure it is. You would not believe how many decisions I make that way.

John: I don’t know. I mean what if this ever got out to the public.

‘W’: Well Al was reluctant last time and look what happened. Finally he came around.

John: Really? Al let it come down to a coin flip?

Dick: Really, that is what happened.

John: Oh, hello there, Dick. I’m sorry I didn’t see you standing there behind that curtain.

‘W’: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. So, is it a go or a no. One coin; one flip. Winner takes all.

John: I don’t know. Who is there that is a neutral party anymore?

‘W’: Joe.

John: Joe? You don’t mean Lieber…

’W’: Shhhhh. He won’t do it if we tell anyone he is neutral.

John: Okay, Okay. One flip. Winner takes all. I guess if Al was okay with it, then I should be too.

‘W’: That was my thoughts, exactimente. That's Spanish, you know. Joe, you want to do the honors?

Joe: (Whining voice) Not again! Do I have to, Mr. President?

‘W’: You wouldn’t want this thing to end up in the courts again would you? Besides they couldn't decide either and left it up to our coin flip anyway.

Joe: Well, of course I don;t want this int he courts again. That was a fiasco.

‘W’: Okay then: Heads I win.

John: (Stomping feet) Awww, I wanted Heads.

‘W’: Okay, okay. Then I’ll take Tails.

John: Now wait a second; that was too easy. There is some trick. I just know it. You knew I would pick Heads. So you wanted me to pick Heads. So you picked Heads knowing I’d protest so that you could take Tails. So, I take...Tails.

‘W’: You’re sure?

John: Yeah, I’m sure.

'W' Absolutemente?

John: Yes, yes absolutely certain.

‘W’: Okay Joe, same as last time Heads I win; Tails he loses.

Joe: Is that okay with you John?

John: Yeah, yeah. (exasterated) Just flip the damned coin already.

Joe: You're positive?

John: Yes, Joe. Do it. Let's get it over with.

The coin flips up in the air, turning over and over before reaching its zenith and then coming back down still flipping over and over, but Joe misses catching it. It lands on its edge and rolls under the edge of the curtain where Dicks foot immediately stomps on it.

Dick: I saw it; it was Heads.

John: No, it’s a trick. I demand to see it.

Dick: (slowly lifts his foot) Oh my, will you look at that. You’re right John. It was Tails all along.

John: See, I knew you were trying to cheat.

Joe: It was Tails; so you lose.

John: Damn! You’re sure? I mean that’s not fair. I demand another coin flip.

‘W’: Here we go again; just like Al.

John: I’m not like Al! Joe, you sure it was Tails I lose?

Joe: I’m sure, John. You agreed to it. Fair is fair. Sorry.

John: Damn! I have the worst luck. Maybe I should have picked you as my running mate. Maybe that would have brought me luck. (Put arm around Joe’s shoulders as the two Senators leave)

Joe: You never know. C’mon I’ll buy you a bagel. I know this little place in Brooklyn, best Kosher Deli anywhere. Guy named Sal runs it; he's a personal friend of mine.

The others leave and Dick finally steps out from behind the curtain to receive a high five from ‘W’ who misses Dick’s hand altogether and delivers the gesture to empty air. Then, embarassed looks around to ensure that no one but Dick saw him.

Dick: He fell for it same as Al did four years ago.

‘W’: Yeah and everyone thinks I’m stupid.


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posted by Unknown @ 8:54 AM