One Over X News

'Interesting' or Chronically Stupid?

There is a word that I hate whenever it is used to apply to me. So before you even think of telling me that I am 'interesting' beware. There is a very good reason for me not liking that word. I used to think it was a compliment. Everytime that I heard it it was when I was trying to begin a relationship with a lady. At some point I realized that I had never began a relationship with anyone that had ever told me that I was an 'interesting person'.

Well that is until it happened in the last few years. I had to revise my thinking a little. There is only one person that I has my permission to say that I am an 'interesting person'. I know that at least she really means it. Then again we are great friends. In no other case has anyone ever said it to me and a relationship of any kind ever developed.

Whenever someone uses the expression 'interesting person' it is a often a euphemism. It could mean simply that the other person thinks 'you're weird'. Alternatively - and I think this is more applicable in general - it may be that the other person is really saying 'I don't understand what you are trying to say but I am too insecure to admit it to your face for fear that it might embarass me. Obviously you think that I could understand or else you would not be going on about whatever you are talking about.'

Regardless it is used as a brush off. 'You are interesting' means 'get away,' or 'there is absolutely no chance that I will ever enjoy this conversation we are having so lets just cut it off here and accept that we have wasted time trying to make something happen.'

I am not an 'interesting' person. I am not exceptional but certainly I am not average either. If I am being weird say that I am weird! If I am being obtruse, say that. Tell me what you think. If you don't think there is any chance of ever being friends with me then say it!

How many times have you said that you really and truly want a relationship that is based on honesty? If you are sincere then start off by being honest with me. Don't tell me I am 'interesting' when you mean something else. I can take rejection. I am a writer you know; it is in the job description.

Just a warning about honesty; it is a liberating thing but it is also dangerous. I don't think that those who express a desire for honesty in a relationship are really willing to accept the harsh, brutal truth. People want to be nice and not hurt feelings, so we use those white lies.

Well isn't that 'interesting'? No it isn't; actually, it is the truth.

White lies are a social lubricant. I understand that. The problem is that they are little defects in communication, the backrgound noise that masks the truth. It is make-up on the plain truth's face. It makes the truth seem prettier than it is, accentuating certain features of the truth more so than others. Telling white lies leads to other larger defects in communication, in a perpetuating process that eventually produces bold face lies. After that there can be little truth shared at all.

Long ago I stopped almost all of my efforts to impress others. It was a pointless quest anyway. I had burped complete sentences; I had farted the 'Star Spangled Banner' up to the high note (could never seem to hit that one). I had even burped, farted, hiccupped and sneezed at the same time, but just once - oh yeah, and I lost a small amount of ear wax in the process. As impressive as those feats may have been to me and my fraternity brothers, I never once derived any lasting fame from it. In fact I believe I even lost a few friends here and there. Some people are neither easily amused nor readily impressed.

We all know that people are naturally prone to form opinions and whatever opinion they form in the first few minutes is so firmly bonded to their concept of 'you' that there is little point is seeking to change opinions. If you attempt to impress someone in any other way than by just being yourself, you had best be pretty good at pretending to be someone or something that you are not because that is all you will ever be.

My father always told me that everyone gets into their pants the same way. There is a lot of wisdom in that. We are the same in so many ways that any differences that there are between us are superficial, artificial or just contrived. I have always treated everyone that I know the same way, as a potential friend. It is not a bad approach. Maybe that is why I seem to meet good people.

Another reason I know good people is that I am honest with each of them and treat them with respect as an individual. People who know me also know what to expect and when they ask for my opinion or advice they understand that I can be brutally honest. I do not do it to be harmful, only to be a good and faithful friend.

I know that some friends have been lost over the years simply because I would not tell them a white lie when they wanted to hear one. They didn't know what they really wanted me to say. If they didn't know then I certainly did not. I have lost jobs or promotions because I was not willing to tell a little lie (a.k.a kiss the boss' butt). I have been told that it is a character flaw. I think the problem lies elsewhere. Maybe that is denial on my part but I don't profess that I am without fault. I have some really serious problems. The difference between me and those that do not want to be friends with someone like me may be that unlike so many others, I do not lie to myself. I don't base my self image or sense of worth on the carefully chosen words that others express about me.

Call me stupid but if I am stupid then at least you have pointed that out to me. If I am chronically stupid then I may have heard it before and should do something to correct it. Anyway you telling me that I am stupid should come as no great surprise then, should it?

"I have never wanted to belong to a club that would have someone like me as a member."- Groucho Marx

E

posted by Unknown @ 6:22 AM