Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I'm so broke that...I have nothing but friends

There are a few people in this world that can call me anytime of the day and I do not consider it a disturbance. My family of course but also a couple of close friends. A close friend is not only someone you count on to lift your spirits when you are down but also someone that listens and whose advice you cherish. The closest friends exist in the inner sanctum where it is next to impossible for them to ever do anything that really would piss you off enough to ever stop talking to them.

Then there is the best friend. A person is only supposed to have one of those I think. Honestly there can only be one, right. Best is an absolute value.

My best friend is also the inspiration for many of the characters in my books. Without her there would be no Wolf subplot in the series. How's that for a friend? Base a character or two in a fiction series on them.

Since my best friend lives in California there is a time-zone barrier that we deal with. I try very hard never to call her when she would be sleeping; I have awakened her a few times. She wakes me up every now and again but that never seems to matter. I really enjoy our conversations that are usually far too brief. She feels better after talking to me and I feel better after talking to her. People need to commmunicate with others that they care about. We don't talk as often as I would like but whenever we talk it is really just two old friends catching up on things.

I know that some people would think that a 40-something guy having a female best friend that is not quite 30 is at least unusual. Men and women so often have an adversarial relationship, don't they? I have always had a least one or two ladies that are good friends and I rarely consider age when making a friend. My relationship with my friends has always been completely platonic.

I might even agree that it is unusual except that my friendship with her has always been one of those strange things that happen when people click on a certain inexplicable level. I don't know maybe we knew each other in other lifetimes. I think that is possible. If nothing else, reincarnation makes for interesting plotlines in fiction novels. I have no desire for our relationship to ever be anything more than friendship. Why be crass and ruin a good thing. Except that she is female she is not my type anyway. It is her creativity and her spirit that I adore. She has an incredible sense of humor and a keen eye for the ironic.

When we talk it is about the things that only best friends can discuss. The bond that we have is one based on mutual respect. I have counted on her for so long to inspire me that it is hard to think of not knowing her. What if we had never met? I suppose I would have still had a book in print but it would be a very different story without her influence. Considering all else that has happened since, I doubt there would be any other books.

So if you are reading and sometimes enjoying this blog you have her to thank for the fact that I am even writing this. As she doesn't have a working computer for the moment, she is not reading the blogs, or reading them from other people's computers. She has read some of the material I have posted here.

She called me last night, some time after midnight. I had not been sleeping for long. I have been working on a rewrite of the first part of Book 1 with the intention of making a second edition and I only can concentrate when I am alone or at night when the kids are asleep. So, I usually stay up late to write. I always have and she knows that.

I sort of think that she does not want her computer to work just yet. She is changing a lot of things in her life and every change is for the better. The computer represents the complications that she used to have in her life.

She is back in school. She is working two jobs. She is struggling but she has an amazingly good attitude.

It sucks to be poor. She has never not been struggling. There was a time when she lived a little better but that was a while ago and a very strange time in her life as well as mine. It was when I first met her.

It sucks to be poor after having not been poor. I had a pretty good thing going for so long that when it all collapsed it destroyed my personal life. The end result of it all is that I am so broke that even the IRS feels sorry for me.

I would like to be able to help my friend but I have no extra anything. I barely get by on what I make. My kids are great and they can take care of some things around the house and a few of the expenses. The problem is that I went from making close to 6 figures a year at one time to making one fifth of that, all in the period of about a month. I lived off savings and stocks trying to keep things going and of course that incurred significant tax penalties. I did not play by the rule but then I never thought I would not find a full time job for over a year and when I did it would be for about 1/3 of what I used to make.

Of course no one wants to hear any of that. Why? Because a lot of us have unpaid bills, ruined credit, and are one paycheck away from losing a house and being out on the streets. It is expensive to live in this country. Outside of the people that we elect to serve in Washington I have trouble believing that anyone's life is much better than it was ten years ago.

As bad as my life is at times, my best friend has it worse. Her past, what I know of it is amazing. It would make for an awesome book. I have even offered to ghost write it for her, or at least edit it. With respect for her privacy even though many of you do not know who she is, I will not elaborate further except to say she would have every excuse to be angry, mean and vindictive but she has a very kind, sweet disposition.

She is a cat person. You cannot be a mean person and live with a cat. There is no way to fool a cat. A cat chooses whether to live with a human, not the other way around. She has two cats that adore her. That speaks for itself.

E

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